January 2012
33 posts
Megan Amram: Paula Deen’s Health Food Cook Book →
meganamram:
Recently, Paula Deen has admitted that she’s had Type II Diabetes for years. Accordingly, she’s putting out a cookbook of healthy food. Here are some excerpts!
FRUIT SALAD
INGREDIENTS:
1 lb. bag of Skittles
3 cups ranch dressing
DIRECTIONS:
Mix well. Serve room temperature.
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Don't Say Nigger
Martin Luther King Day was yesterday. Great day for a great man. In addition to having a moral core that was so powerful it was probably hot to the touch, he was also a genius. His speeches and writing reveal a mind that was firing on cylinders in that alleged 90% to which the rest of us don’t often have access. Did he ever have his IQ tested? Not that it really matters, it’s just...
benjibooya asked: Hi Rob,
Just wanted you to know that I adore all of your jokes and ideas and if you ever come to Sydney, Aus I'll be first in line for tickets and the loudest laugher in the house.
I know you're having trouble finding a name for your next child and this is sort of my bag so here are a few invented boy + girl names left over from my last cat...
Just wanted you to know that I adore all of your jokes and ideas and if you ever come to Sydney, Aus I'll be first in line for tickets and the loudest laugher in the house.
I know you're having trouble finding a name for your next child and this is sort of my bag so here are a few invented boy + girl names left over from my last cat...
Aesthetic
Another reason why women shouldn’t shave off their pubic hair is that it removes a focal point from their body. The hair is typically a different enough color from their skin to create a pleasing contrast. A woman with pubic hair looks better in a photograph or a painting or in real life. It draws the eye, which genitals are designed (perfectly) to do. This goes for men too, what I’m...
I'm at the Hollywood Improv January 20th.
I have the honor of headlining the Improv for the first time on Friday, January 20th. I hope that you will join me, unless you have airborne syphilis or vomit 8 gallons of Yoohoo every time you exhale.
Tickets
ST. LOUIS: My show Saturday sold out so I added... →
December 2011
49 posts
LEGITIMATELY glad I asked people’s opinion on that joke. You people are smart & funny & I include those who didn’t like it in that gracious compliment.
A tweet
“I bet if Ronald Reagan had invented AIDS today, he would’ve given it to people who post pictures of their food online first.”
I would’ve put that on Twitter, but Twitter’s down. Do you think it’s funny? Why/why not?
The Greatest Hotel Review of All Time
My wife and I were looking for a hotel to have an overnight date at (that’s right) while her parents watched our baby. Her mom was helping out and found the greatest hotel review I’ve ever read. It’s REAL, but the site it’s on got overwhelmed by people I sent to it from Twitter and it hasn’t been working dependably. IT IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE NOT TO SEE AND STUDY...
140 Underrated Tweeters
tracymarquez:
Every end of the year Twitter list of “who to follow” always includes every person we already follow. So I decided to take it upon myself to make a list of 140 underrated, super funny tweeters with less than 20,000 followers. Enjoy. Follow. Share. And don’t suck dick for money.
Read More
This is an amazingly funny list. Follow these folks. And follow Tracy!
Boston Globe clarifies non-beef between Matt Damon... →
brothersgreenberg asked: Enough with the political posts. It's the holidays! Can we get back to the dick jokes?
mentalpoverty asked: I'm a dumb kid who's too young to do any open mics around me. What are things I can do instead to keep me doing comedy?
My letter to the Globe
Hi Guys, I see you wrote about my blog post. I would like to offer some clarification. My blog post went up two days before any reports of Damon’s comments in Elle. When his comments came to the news’s attention, I reposted my blog on Twitter, prefacing it, as you noted, “With respect to my fellow Bostonian, Matt Damon.” Although I am a comedian, my use of the word...
saxicoline asked: I'm also tall and terrible at basketball. What should I tell people who ask if / assume that I play?
My least favorite people (at this second) are people who feel Obama “let them down” or “didn’t deliver on his promise.” Guys, “HOPE” was a one syllable slogan, a logo even, to get a corporate backed, big D Democrat elected in a cash contest. People like you are THE SAME THING as the “undecided” Republican caucus voters in Iowa being...
