I’m doing my solo show “Naked & Bloody” again at the UCB Thursday at 8, 5/27. It’s been well received and a tremendous amount of fun to do. I don’t have any other dates on the books at the moment, so now would be a good time to see it. Reserve a seat at the link below. Thanks!
RoofTop Comedyhas nominated me for Funniest Twitterer along w/ Paul F. Tompkins, Michael Ian Black, Natasha Leggero, Eugene Mirman, Lizz Winstead, Aziz Ansari, Doug Benson, Rob Huebel & Paul Scheer.
Good company, but you should vote for me. NOT OUT OF MERIT, but because I have the fewest followers of the bunch & am the least well known by a wide, wide margin. Also, I’m the poorest, by a lot. Now, many of you will argue “Rob, this may be true, but you are genuinely the funniest, and you absolutely deserve to win on the strength of your tweets alone.” Fine, I won’t tell you WHY you should vote for me, but I will tell you that winning would give me a strong, enduring boner that I would use to help build houses in Greece or something.
Here are 3 pieces I’ve written over the last year. Most of the writings I send out into the world are under 140 characters these days, so I wanted to collect my longer things in one place. I will continue to add to them here. Thank you for reading.
Hi there. I had an interesting comedy experience last night that I wanted to share with America and other people who can speak/read English. First I will say that I do a lot of comedy all over the place and have performed in a variety of locations and under a variety of circumstances, both wonderful and shitty. That is normal if you do comedy and are not very famous. You do a show in a horrible bar where people hate you and tell you to shut up one night and then you perform at a nice, shiny Improv in a suburb where polite people clap and laugh and thank you for being delightful the next. That variety and juxtaposition is not part of the deal; it is the deal.
Two days ago, my friend Will called me and asked if I would do a show for the camp that he runs for people with disabilities. A very nice restaurant in Beverly Hills, called the Roxbury Café had agreed to let the camp take over for the night and have a comedy show.
I have volunteered with Will’s camp, The Cheshire Project on and off for about five years and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, so I said “Yes, Will, it is with much pleasure that I will come do this show.”
I’m in a coffee shop in Marina del Rey, California and there is a Glaswegian in a Glasgow Celtic jersey successfully convincing a stranger to let him stay on his couch. Years ago I spent an insane night in a pub in Belfast watching Celtic play the Glasgow Rangers on forty or so TVs spread out over three floors with hundreds of drunk Celtic fans.
That morning my friend (also named Rob) and I’d gone to services at the Martyr’s Memorial Church because we were curious to see a sermon by the Rev. Ian Paisley. It was scary. Fiery rhetoric and a lot of talk of “enemies.” After the services we were converged upon by folks who insisted we sign the guestbook. It was an uncomfortable enough atmosphere that it made me nervous to sign it “Delaney,” an obviously Irish name. But I did anyway and no one assaulted me.
After that, we thought we’d get a look at the Catholic side of things, so we took a cab tour of West Belfast and its murals. Our driver was named Kevin. He was Catholic and explained the Troubles by saying of Protestants, “You just can’t trust them.”
Note: The Glaswegian has left. The guy whose couch he’ll be sleeping on is now trying to pick up a woman from Madrid. Three sentences in, he asked her “What type of dentistry have you had in your mouth?”
Kevin drove us around and showed us murals which memorialized those killed during the Troubles. The overarching theme was one of aspiration towards peace and they were indeed very inspiring and wonderful to see. Kevin told us of watching a pub explode from a bomb some years ago while his father was inside. He said his horror was quickly eclipsed by joy and laughter when his dad cartoonishly emerged from the rubble, literally smoking and brushing bits of brick off of his jacket, totally unharmed.
As we drove on, Kevin said “We’ll soon be at my favorite mural. But just so you know, it’s got a symbol on it that I’ll need to explain to you.” We rounded a corner to see a huge apartment wall with a painting of a towering British paramilitary soldier aiming a tear-gas gun into a crowd. Covering the soldier was a giant red circle with a slash through it.
"Now that’s a British paramilitary firing a tear-gas gun into a crowd. That symbol however, means ‘No’, which is to say we don’t like that.’" Only then did we realize that this was the symbol he felt we’d need explained to us. Rob and I exchanged glances and then looked back at Kevin with our best "confused" faces.
"You see, a great big red circle with a slash going through it essentially means ‘No thanks’ to whatever’s inside it," Kevin elaborated.
"So you don’t want the soldier firing on the people?" Rob asked.
"Correct! That circle, bisected as it is with that great red line going from the northeast to the southwest, means ‘None for me and mine, no shooting into us if you please."
"Gotcha, ok, thank you. We will tell people back in the United States about this symbol."
Kevin showed us a few more murals then dropped us at the pub and we went inside to watch Celtic lose. And since that cab tour in 1998, that old Irish symbol for “No” has caught on internationally. Have you seen it?
If you can’t make it to my show “Naked & Bloody” in LA or NY, I discuss a bunch of the subject matter here on Marc Maron’s excellent “WTF” podcast. It is also a good companion to the piece I wrote about depression a couple of weeks ago.
List of "Night of 140 Tweets" Performers w/ active links??
Who is the hero who will create a running list that links to performers’ Twitter pages from “The Night of 140 Tweets?” I am a busy gentleman and I cannot be expected to manually type things into my browser to look everyone up. Here is your ammo: http://j.mp/bKOVwm