Rob Delaney

My wife and I were looking for a hotel to have an overnight date at (that’s right) while her parents watched our baby. Her mom was helping out and found the greatest hotel review I’ve ever read. It’s REAL, but the site it’s on got overwhelmed by people I sent to it from Twitter and it hasn’t been working dependably. IT IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE NOT TO SEE AND STUDY so I’m reposting it here because I care about you people and I want you to know the joy that I now know.

The user’s name is “CLT 704.” I don’t need to say a WORD to set the letter up as it’s THAT PERFECT. (People asked if I wrote the letter. No, I did not. Anyone who knows me will attest that I’m too vain and fat to not take immediate and public credit for something that makes others laugh.) Enough from me…

I recently stayed at the Haywood Park hotel with my dog and wow, I will NEVER make that mistake again. My dog is a bit of an escape artist, but the Haywood is NOT SET UP for dogs. Any hotel that claims to be “dog friendly” should have a dead bolt in addition to the typical key card. Some dogs are able to open doors by jumping up on the door handle and this is exactly what happened. At least my dog would be stuck on that floor, right? WRONG. The Haywood had two fire escape/hallway exits on the floor and neither of them were closed all the way. My dog was able to nudge open the doors and enter the stairwell. From here, she went down the stairs and through a door that was labeled “ALARM will Sound if Opened”. This was clearly not the case as she escaped through this door and out into the alley into the streets of Asheville. Thankfully this story has a happy ending as two guys were able to grab her as they saw her escape from the hotel and return to the front desk. The hotel did nothing, not even an apology. And I would never stay at the hotel if I didn’t have a dog with me. It is EXTREMELY dated and felt like I walked into the 70’s when I entered the room. In addition, the water pressure was horrible, the towels felt like sandpaper and the TV was the size of my iPad. To top it all off, the rate was ATROCIOUS. Don’t waste your time or money here! I did some research and Hotel Indigo is also pet friendly, just a block away, much newer, nicer and friendlier.