I’m serious. This will surprise some people, but I’ve sung the national anthem for the Red Sox four times and for the Dodgers four times. Before I turned my focus to comedy, I did a lot of musical theater. It’s what I majored in at NYU and my first job after college was playing Sir Lancelot in a national tour of “Camelot.” Six years ago, a friend who worked for the Red Sox asked me if I’d record myself singing the anthem and send it in. I did so and they had me sing it at a Sox/Tigers game, from home plate in a sold out Fenway Park in the city of my birth. It was INSANELY fun and wonderful. Then I heard the Dodgers were looking for people to do it, so I sent in a DVD of my performance at Fenway. In the following years, I’d call or send a note to the my contacts at the teams asking if I could do it again and they’d say “Sure.” But here is where the story takes a terrifying turn: Both my contacts have left the teams and I can’t get in touch with anyone in the right department because baseball teams are huge, labyrinthine organizations that are confusing to a moron. (Me; I’m a moron.) I have made genuine overtures to switchboard operators and tried to guess email addresses and stuff to no avail. This is where you come in. Do any of my friends on Twitter/Facebook know someone who works with either of these teams? If you could RT or forward this message around, I’d be grateful. I have DVDs of all my performances at both parks, so I’m “qualified” and they’ve had me back a few times each, so I do promise to do a serviceable job and not embarrass you. I’d even sing for another teams. Not the Yankees though, or any other team (other than the Sox) Johnny Damon has ever been on.